A Jealous Sister

I knew the day would come.
When the boys I am so attached to I call my brothers- Get Girl Friends.
I expected it would be hard. Not being able to see them as much. Have to understand that they had other girls who were a priority in their life's and I would have to accept being sidelined.
But knowing something is going to happen doesn't always prepare you for when it does.
I feel like a Jealous little sister. Hating the girls who are taking them from me.
And unlike real brothers, I don't always have that family relation to tie them to me.
One day they will be gone. Just a distant friend I talk to once a year to see how their family is around the holidays. Nothing more.
It breaks my heart.

The simplest things can be the greatest moments

Last night I called up Bow and me, my sister, her best friend, Bow and his little Brother all climbed in Willis (my truck) and went for a long drive out in the country. Total darkness in the middle of nowhere, just to have something to do. Listening to the radio, laughing the whole way.
Then we drove around town on the empty night streets just for fun.
It was one of those perfect, movie worthy friendship moments.
And it shows that even the simplest things can be the greatest moments.

Tantalizing

Tantalize- torment or tease (someone) with the sight or promise of something that is unobtainable.

I find strange enjoyment in doing this to boys.
Im an all up, not shy, kind of flirt. And I'm good at it.
But I never have intentions of finding a relationship- oh no. lol
I love to make them want me, and then torment them because they can't have me.

Its sick I know. But its my fun. 
I don't believe in love anyways, so why not?
Eventually they get sick of it and find someone who's not just giving them shit.

I don't know why Im like this, or when it started. But I've always just been
 "The one that got away" 
and I like it like that

I don't believe in love

Growing up watching Disney Princess movies I always believed there was that one perfect person out there for me. Who one day we would meet and fall instantly in "Love". It would be cute, it would be perfect, and it would be forever.
But now Im grown up, and I realize only imaginary princesses find someone who is 'Perfect' because they themselves are 'perfect' and "Happily Ever After" is only true because the whole point of their life was to fall in love with this person. Now that they found each other the "Happily Ever After" is the next 5 minutes of the movie- and then they cease to exist.

But I don't believe in Love.
I don't believe there is 1 perfect person for you- a "Soul Mate"
That you will meet, and it will be cute, it will be perfect, and then you will be together forever.
Thats just not how life works.

I think you just find a person. Someone who needs someone, and you need someone. So you two agree that even though your not perfect- you will make it work. And then you commit to each other and take care of each other forever.
Everyone has that unavoidable need to be needed. So when two people who need someone find each other- if theres any sort of attraction, right or wrong- they call it "Love" and life puts them together.

But its not the magical, can't live without it, found my should mate, cute, perfect "Love"
Because that isn't real- that doesn't exist.

Old Red

So way back forever ago IndianBoy got a new truck. A Toyota Land Cruiser actually. '93 haha
And he named it Leroy.
When I asked him why its name was Leroy he told me that it was from an old country song he liked, but refused to tell me what song. Saying I had to figure it out myself.
Well a couple days later I was at work listening to the Country Radio and guess what song comes on?
Big And Rich Save a Horse. haha I was SO excited I figured it out.
I went home, bought the song off iTunes, burned it to a CD, and took it to his house.
"You have to listen to this!" I said, so he hope in my truck and I play it. He starts singing right away, and then about 45 seconds into the song he goes "Aw shit! You figured it out!"
lol So I got some paint and painted "Leroy" on the tailgate with some bob wire and bullet holes. Looked pretty bad ass to be honest.

Well today Pirate came up with a name for his old pickup. -Old Red
So I went over and painted it all fancy and old looking on his tailgate.

Then we went for a drive through the hay field and he showed me his Spotlights he got for Christmas. We then chased deer through the field with his truck, trying to run them over. lol He had a grill guard so it would have been fine- but we didn't hit one.
There was a time about 2 years ago when I would have died at the opportunity to spend an evening alone with Pirate and go for a drive just the two of us. I used to be totally obsessed with this boy. But now that we're close friends I could never see us together like that.

Anyways, now Fish wants his truck named and decaled. But I almost feel like telling him I won't do it.
Hes a jerk to me these days, and only calls when he needs something, never for anything else. I don't even think we're actually friends anymore.

Friends and Fun

So last Sunday FarmGirl was recovering from Wisdom Teeth removal, so I got IndianBoy and we drive to town to take her some ice-cream.
Its a small town, and Main Street is set at a 35mph speed. But non of the locals actually do 35 haha.
Most of them don't drive as fast as me though.
So IndianBoy leans over and says "50 in a 35mph zone!"
"Do you see a cop?" I ask. "No…" He answered. "Then whats the problem?" I asked. He just laughed and buckled his seat.
I go around the corner and theres this big truck driving in front of me. Of course its going sped limit because Im in a hurry. And as soon as Im stuck behind it, it goes even SLOWER!
I looked up at the mirror to see the driver and its Fish, laughing his head off!
He got himself a new shiny truck I didn't recognize. And he was enjoying making me go slow.
… I should have bumper kissed him. I would have had it been his old beat up pickup. haha

Lets just say IndianBoy is scared by my driving. He always buckles and keeps a hand on the "Oh shit" handle. lol And freaks out when he thinks Im not slowing down fast enough to turn a corner.
Although the only time we've ever been in a wreck- he was the one who was driving! haha
Me and FarmGirl are the only 2 out of our group of 7 who haven't wrecked yet!
-I probably just cursed us by saying that :/

Music takes you back.

I love how a song can come on and bring back a memory.
Like every time I hear "Country Girl" by Luke Bryan, I think back to when me, Indian boy, and Fish went caving. We were sitting on the tailgate of Indian Boys truck eating lunch with the radio playing. Country girl comes on- it was a new hit at this point. And Indian Boy says to me "Get up on that toolbox and shake it Country girl" ;)

"We were us" by Keith Urban and Miranda Lambert was playing right before Indian Boy and I crashed.

"Sweet Annie" (Idk by who) was playing the night Indian Boy and I drove home from FarmGirls the night Indian Boys heart was broke.

So basically... I guess I love songs that remind me of my friends. haha

My Drug

That boy is my drug.

He gives me a high just being around him.

Always makes me happy just to see him for 1 minute, and leaves me smiling all day after.

But I haven't seen him in weeks. Haven't heard his voice in so long I forgot what it sounds like.

And like all highs, without that 'drug' comes serious lows.

I need a good dose of him, and SOON!

Im going through some seriously depressing withdrawals, and life just isn't as sunny without him.

Out of your league

When you see yourself as equal to someone you like- not as being out of their league or them being out of yours you can start to form a relationship based off actual emotion and not lust.

Understanding they have flaws, and realizing you have flaws too.

Sure he might not look like Zach Effron, but your no Vanessa Hudgenson either.

He might have an irritating habit- but you know you do too.

Dont expect a perfect someone- unless you are perfect as well.

'

You get what you are. Accept them and love them for who they are.

Never try to change someone.